vital facts- i am lauren michele, from detroit, michigan... currently residing in new york. i go to school here for creative writing, i'm not really a teenager anymore. i love eeyore, batman, spiderman, lots of anime, zines (duh), music of all shapes and sizes, key lime pie, poetry, the color gray, cartoooooons and lots more.
i work on other projects in addition to my main zine!! the first is entitled "neonzoe" and it's a mini-zine that i publish sporadically, and the second is a poetry chapbook entitled "when wrong prevails", which i am quite happy abt. email me for more info on either of these projects!
my journal is often my best friend. i may include one online at a later time, we'll see. i am often overbrewing thoughts in my head, i am working on a book, i am a good penpal, though letters are a dying art form these days. i can't describe myself, i think i'll ask other ppl to describe me for this section, that would make it easier.
so here goes, this is what some ppl say abt me:
"full of creative juicey juice, on the verge of serendipidously falling into other worlds, one part gypsy, one part saint, one part june miller." -kyle
"if the sky was always color-less, you would make it pink. if i couldn't speak, you would hug me at the right time. because you are more than sound and if i ever wanted to be alone, i'd want to be it with you, the one with the power to understand breath." -nidhi
"quiet on the outside, brilliant, easy going, adventurous, a true writer" -kerith
"as you all know, lauren michele is simply angelic; i've often suggested that she change her name to della reese, becuz i constantly feel touched by an angel in her presence. but if you know lauren, you know then that she ain't havin it. she takes no shorts, an all you no love chump suckuz best recognize: lo-lo bombs poems dolo, and if ya don't know now ya know, cabrones." -marco
past journal entries
journal 7/22/00 1:10am
the zine conference is coming up next week and it's consuming my thoughts and actions now... i feel like i'm in this weird place because of that-- constantly thinking abt what i need to be doing, discussing how being a part of underground publishing helps to forward one's critical thinking and questioning of mass media, writing a lot abt doing something that i want to vs. something that i have to do with my life... things of that nature. i've never organized something of this nature before and it feels good to have it going well.
journal 6/04/00 8:36 pm
hi, welcome to summer. you will suddenly feel depressed abt yr lack of movement, yr inability to finish what you start, yr lack of usefulness. (this is true, i'm thinking) my summer has been fun so far, but i can't help but to feel like i'm sitting here, waiting for an opportunity that is not meant to be mine... or not yet. i need to have my drive back, and i'm not sure how to locate something like that. determination should be stored on yr mental hard drive, you should be able to locate it by saying "find" and you should never lose it if you can help it.
tonight was the first time that i have ever been discouraged instead of encouraged to write. it wasn't because i was being melodramatic and was so overpowered by the task of writing, it was abt pure politics. the bullshit involved with being in a scene, the ppl you have to like because everyone likes them. i refuse to compromise what i do so that it will be accepted by others in the scene. i will not write formulaic slam poetry b/c that's what everyone else is doing. it's not me. and i won't. i guess it just makes me upset that every realm i venture into has these problems, these "in crowds" and "in jokes" and i don't fit into that so easily, i don't want to. i just want to be able to write what i write. that's all. you think it'd be easy.
last week i found out that a friend of mine passed away. it had a huge effect on me, despite the fact that we had not been close in too long. tomorrow is her birthday. i feel pretty ill right now, like something in my head is going to explode. i don't deal well with loss, i start to think abt all the opportunities i had to keep in touch w/ her that i never did. that i was too involved in my own world to remember a past world. and now i would give everything up in order to revert back to that time. it's not much use to think abt what i should have done, because the fact is that i didn't. i don't know what else to say.
journal 2/21/00 1:18 a.m.
oh dear it's been awhile since i've updated. i read something today abt being in love, and how ppl tend to negate their feelings in the aftermath of a relationship. it led me to start thinking abt how we are always looking for *the one* who will come to us and magically sweep us off our feet. we are looking for the one person who has been put on this earth just to meet us, and it just doesn't happen that way. i think that we have set ourselves up for disappointment in the field of love, b/c we say that we love someone until we break up with them, and then belittle our passion b/c it wasn't perfect. that person wasn't *the one* b/c it didn't work out. i have been in love before and i will be again.
journal 1/24/00 12:02 a.m.
there isn't a way to tell you how i'm different than i was a few days ago. i'm not, but at the same time i can't stop thinking abt how things have resolved themselves in my life. not a week ago, i was desperate to understand what was wrong with me, what was going on in my head, why i didn't seem to have control of myself anymore. now i've kind of leveled out to a place where i'm not happy yet, but am occupied enough that i may get there. i always get to a place where i'm in between the walls, stuck and barely breathing... i never know how i get out. most of the time i do get out, but everytime there is fear that i won't. i'm working my ass off, trying to have more fun, trying to not be so serious. but if i don't take myself seriously, i don't know anyone else who will. aye...
journal 1/18/00 7:40 p.m.
do you know how it feels when something is so wrong that it's somehow bent backwards into the realm of right? you can't explain this wonderful feeling that you have, but you can remember that it should not be evoked from the situation at hand. you start to fancy yrself heartless, but the heat of it inside you does not compute. i am that wrong right now, so far down my own throat that i can see the sunlight from distant lands and i want to be there. i will be rolling on those beaches, sunning myself in that sand, missing trains and sending airplane seats back empty with my name entered on their fabric. i feel so wrong that i can lick my lips and taste the right.